never trust a big butt and a smile (obeetaybee) wrote,
never trust a big butt and a smile

Today is one of those days...

I'm so tired. I wish I could understand why the insomnia monster has decided to visit my house now of all times? I go to bed around midnight and I toss and I turn until at least three. Alex has been waking up a hour or so after I finally fall asleep and then waking up for good anywhere from 5:30 to 7 AM. I've been noticing a lot of aches and pains in my body lately too, which I know has to be from picking him up all the time. Especially my forearms. Man, my forearms ache even when I'm not picking him up.

He's laying on the floor on the other side of the room, so I think we're adjusting nicely to being in the same room with me while I work. I still can't get over how mobile he's become suddenly. Scott seems to think that's because I've gotten used to him being in a cast. Well, to me that's a no brainer. He's been in a cast for the last 3.5 weeks and I've been for the most part his primary caregiver. How could I not become adjusted to him in this state? It's funny too, but I think he's grown since being in the cast. His toes look like they're hanging over the edge of the cast a lot farther then they were before.

I had my first nightmare or dream about him in his cast last night. I can't remember too much of it now, but I know it had to do with us going for his cast check tomorrow. I know realistically he'll still be in his cast for a few more weeks, but for some reason, I keep grabbing on to the "five weeks" the doctor initially said when he went to have his leg set and casted.

It's extremely hard watching in his cast. Right now it's even harder for me to remember what our life was like before the accident. Why does it seem like such a long time ago when he was running and jumping and yelling "bomb's away!" before jumping off the couch?

I'm still not happy with the state of affairs with the household duties, but I guess i don't have too much to say when I don't speak up about it. I guess I just don't understand why I have to say anything about it at all, know what I mean? The house is a mess, why do I have to be the one to clean it? There are dishes in the sink, why do they need to sit there for a few days until someone washes them (who's not me?).\

I don't know. A chore chart may help, but I'm just don't have the strength for the confrontation about it right now.

I have so much going on right now between Alex, working from home and trying to be a mother and a good wife and I'm just tired. I'm so freaking tired. I'm trying to keep all these balls in the air right now and I don't know what I need to keep them from crashing down all around me.

I'm afraid of disappointing others, and I don't know if right now is the right time to try and make changes to my life.

I'm just having a bad day I guess.

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