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might as well fall

stolen car || carina round
my mouth burns up when I try to speak - there's something about you, makes me feel so weak
i can't seem to find what I came here for - you know we could be lovers but I just want more
my arms are open but you play with me- a sweet strip-tease

worried about || lissie
i'm too worried bout what you're doing - are you worried bout what I'm doing too
what ya doing to me - wanna be free
and who could blame you - i made it so complicated
if i just drain you - 'til working it out
is over rated

the hollows || why?
as I lay me down to fall asleep - with my demons dying
and my pilot light weak - i curse the last six months
i've been hiding behind a mustache, yeah - and to those last 10 years
i've been howling a paper moon - well fuck you.

thirst for romance || cherry ghost
i still thirst for romance, i still thirst for romance - and the sand between my toes
darling i, i’ve seen demons dancing, i’ve seen demons dancing - across factory floors

death to death || stars
so tired waiting for the end to come - fully dead already but forever young,
hello, my dearest father it's your favorite son - there's some things that i’m regretting
i am destroyer, i am lover, i am destroyer, i am lover
i love one thing, destroy the other. i am destroyer, i am lover.

a million ways || ok go
i should, i wish i could, maybe if you were - i would, a list of standard-issue regrets.
one last 80 proof, slouching in the corner booth- baby, it's as good as it gets
oh such grace, oh such beauty - so precious, suspicious, and charming, and vicious.

overpower thee || melissa auf der maur
i like your eyes - i like your shape
and I could easily overpower you
i won't say a thing - i won't tell a soul
but I could easily overpower you

toxic || stevie ann
don’t you know that you’re toxic - and I love what you do
don’t you know that you’re toxic
it’s getting late -to give you up
i took a sip - from my devil's cup
slowly - it’s taking over me

fade out || the tunics
can you love me? or can you need me - like i needed you
when for you my love - there’s nothing that i wouldn’t do
it’s enough to make you feel what you’re doing - what you’re doing is wrong
Oh enough to make you cry or want to die alone

if you love me you’d destroy me || aerogramme and hal duncan
i’ll give you my life to wreck - my hopes to crush
my tender sanity - i'll give you my heart to break
my hand to brush - away so callously
and if you love me you'd destroy me - if you love me you'd destroy me

we’re not supposed to be lovers || adam green
picture a place that's far from danger. - a nicer place to cash your chips.
i'm not the one holding you hostage - squeezed inbetween my lips.
we're not supposed to be lovers - or friends, like they'd have us believe.
we're not supposed to know each other. - accept my apology.

the loneliness and the scream || frightened rabbit
am i here? of course i am, yes - all i need is your hand
to drag me out again - it wasn't me,
i didn't dig this ditch - i was walking for weeks
before i fell in
to the loneliness - oh, the loneliness
and the scream to prove - to everyone
that i exist

down by the water- || the drums
if you fall asleep down by the water - baby, I'll carry you all the way home
if you fall asleep down by the water - baby, I'll carry you all the way home
you've gotta believe me when I say - when I say the word "forever"
and whatever comes your way - we'll still be here together
i know it's hard, I know it's hard - but I understand you, just take my hand

I am not emotionally prepared for tumblr to be down.
I can't with this damn show about damn werewolves breaking my heart and leaving me breathless at the end of every episode.

This was just supposed to be summer fling! No emotions involved! You were not supposed to rip my heart out and feed it to me bleeding on a plate!

Can it be next Monday now?

I'm seriously just one big goose pimple.

Not enough of my ginger princess tonight. Fix that next week, show.


A few weeks ago, I had the absolute pleasure of working with pembroke on a Teen Wolf art commission for my Derek/Stiles story when it don't come easy.

Alexa was an absolute joy to work with and I love what she did with both Stiles and Derek. She captured what I was trying to portray with words perfectly. She's currently taking commissions, so if you're interested in getting some work done, I highly recommend her.

I'm only getting around to posting this now as because life the past few weeks has been incredibly insane (work, kids, my sister's wedding shower, TUMBLR HAS SUCKED MY WILL TO DO ANYTHING ELSE BUT LOOK AT PRETTY, PRETTY PICTURES OF DYLAN O'BRIEN AND TYLER HOECHLIN)

It's just so awesome and shiny and I'm completely in love with it.

derek/stiles when it don"t come easy by pembrooke


Stiles throws back his head and laughs because the irony of Derek being mad at him is just priceless. Like a fucking MasterCard commercial.

“Damn it, Stiles,” Derek grabs his upper arms and pulls him to his feet. He shakes Stiles roughly, the feel of Derek’s claws against his skin sobering his laughter instantly. Stiles can feel his heart pick up, pulse thundering in his ears like thunder.

“I tried to tell you ten different times and every time I opened my mouth you put something in it. Want a recap? Let's see. There was your tongue and your fingers a few times, or hey, my personal favorite at least five of the times I tried, your cock. Do you want me to tick them off on my fingers for you? Because I remember each one.”

Derek ducks his head, breathing heavy, his claws retracting, his thumbs ghosting over his skin. Stiles tries and fails not to shiver.

“There’s only so many times I can try before I get it. You don’t want to talk to me and that’s fine. Whatever. We’ve never been nothing else but fuck buddies, right?” Stiles is such a lying liar who lies and knows Derek can tell but he doesn’t care. If Derek chooses to ignore the lies, well then, he’s only got to be here until tomorrow afternoon. Most of his stuff is already packed in Rubbermaid containers and sitting by the front door. Just waiting for his Dad to sleep off his night shift and then they’ll be on their way south.

“Just what do you want from me?” Derek asks, voice rough, looking down at the carpet.

the saints can't help me now

I just...can't.

Motherfucking Teen Wolf. How are you not winning ALL THE AWARDS?

I'm an emotional basket case. Why are you not watching this show?

Is it next Monday yet?



7.12.12 will best be remembered

as the day the sterek cumulative of the teen wolf fandom lost it's collective fucking mind.

all because of these two awesome mofo's right here.

no longer a teen wolf virgin. go me!

So this happened yesterday:

when it don't come easy (3000 words) by faviconobeetaybee
Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Stiles needs to have a talk with his self-esteem, man up and shut this - whatever the hell this is - down before he gets hurt.

Written for lielabell's prompt of: derek/stiles your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures in the do you want to do your homework or not die? ficathon.

Title from Patty Griffin's When It Don't Come Easy

i love your stupid face.

And part TWO:

I ♥ Stiles so, so much.
I wish there were more people on my friend's list watching Teen Wolf.

I have all these thoughts and feeelings and no one to squee with.

This show has taken over my life. I'm such a nerd.

Season Two is starting on Sunday, June 3rd after the MTV Movie Awards. If you're interested in catching up (and you should. You really, really should. This show does UST like no one's business) see:

But maybe you still need to be convinced? Check out this WHY YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING TEEN WOLF LIKE RIGHT NOW

The first full season is up on Netflix and there's streaming episodes here.

Like she said:

Scott was just a regular guy until one bite changed his life forever.

Now he struggles to understand who he is and what he might become. Is he more wolf than human - or is it the other way around? Whichever it is, it’s not going to be easy. Scott will try to control his urges, but mostly he’s scared that it’s his urges that could end up controlling him.

TEEN WOLF is the story of Scott as he tries to walk the line between what he wants and what he can’t help from wanting. Will the bite end up being a gift? Or will it be a curse? And what will it all mean for his relationship with Allison - the girl he can’t get enough of? Only time will tell if he should embrace his newfound powers, or if he should fear them.

Ahahahahahhaha. No actually this show is about Stiles and how awesome he is.

And she's right. Because Stiles? Is awesome. And he'll break your heart. And you'll still root for him. I'm totally watching this show for Stiles. And Derek, because, damn it he's so broken it hurts.

But mostly for Stiles.
title. keeping some demon down
subject. girl!sam/dean
warnings. heterosexual incest
notes. an imagined classic rock mix tape dean put together for sam.
this has been sitting in my itunes forever. i've finally gotten the gumption to get it together because i'm procrastinating on my het big bang. yes, i'm writing again. no, not the zombie story, the prequel. just shoot me.

girl!Sam is portrayed by Lyndsy Fonseca. Front and back cover under the cut, individual songs and zip uploaded to mediafire.

you leave me wanting, always leave me wanting moreCollapse )


Apparently, Whitney Houston died?

RIP, Whitney. I will always love you.
I wanna be Olivia Dunham when I grow up.

She's awesome.

I am NOT prepared for the apocalypse to start!!
dead leaves and dirty ground
1350 words
Dean knows this car from hood to trunk. It’s his first love, his home away from home, his vehicular soul mate. No one understands him the way the Impala does.
Set during season 1, Dead Man's Blood. A remix of Rust by the crazy talented tifaching. Beta by the lovely and talented dotfic, everything is right because of her. Mistakes are all mine.

“Hey, and Dean, why don’t you touch up your car before you get rust. I wouldn’t have given you the damn thing if I thought you were going to ruin it.”Collapse )
title we're all mad here
subject girl!Sam/Dean and the twisted little world they live in
warnings bad language and heterosexual incest
notes Just something I put together, fanmixing is becoming addicting. Gets my mind off the fact my daughter and her friends almost burned down a barn today. Joy!

girl!Sam is portrayed by Lyndsy Fonseca. Front and back cover under the cut, individual songs and zip to uploaded to mediafire.

Graphics made with aviary. Jury's still out on if I like the program or not.

it"s such a sweet thing when you open up, babyCollapse )

a witch’s wet dream

Eleven hours of work today with no break, I'm freaking beat.

It was insane, I believe we were on page 7 of emergencies when I finally went home, an hour after my shift was supposed to end.

I am SO TIRED. However, I couldn't go to bed without recommending everyone read the remix written for me, Witching Hour (The Cinderella Remix). It's based on my story the The Burying Point, one of my favorite stories written.

It's beautifully written and has an awesome twist I wish I thought of first. ♥

Read, love, please give feedback. Nothing makes a writer happier than knowing someone enjoys their work.

Reading the other stories will have to wait until morning. My Egyptian cotton sheets are calling my name. zzzzzzzzz

the women

The Women
by Eavan Boland

This is the hour I love: the in-between
neither here-nor-there hour of the evening.
The air is tea-colored in the garden.
The briar rose is spilled crepe de Chine.

This is the time I do my work best,
going up the stairs in two minds,
in two worlds, carrying cloth or glass,
leaving something behind, bringing
something with me I should have left behind.

The hour of change, of metamorphosis,
of shape-shifting instabilities.
My time of sixth sense and second sight
when in the words I choose, the lines I write,
they rise like visions and appear to me:

women of work, of leisure, of the night,
in stove-colored silks, in lace, in nothing,
with crewel needles, with books, with wide-open legs,

who fled the hot breath of the god pursuing,
who ran from the split hoof and the thick lips
and fell and grieved and healed into myth,

into me in the evening at my desk
testing the water with a sweet quartet
the physical force of a dissonance—

the fission of music into syllabic heat—
and getting sick of it and standing up
and going downstairs in the last brightness

into a landscape without emphasis,
light, linear, precisely planned,
a hemisphere of tiered, aired cotton,

a hot terrain of linen from the iron,
folded in and over, stacked high,
neatened flat, stoving heat and white.

upon entering

Upon Entering

I shall die in my boots.
Kick open the saloon doors
of heaven and hell,
lasso the darkest hombre
and shoot any hat in the house
who doesn't buy me a drink.

-- Kim Konopka

poetry month

“and nothing is ever as you want to be”

You lose your love for her and then
It is her who is lost,
And then it is both who are lost,
And nothing is ever as perfect as you want it to be.

In a very ordinary world
A most extraordinary pain mingles with the small routines,
The loss seems huge and yet
Nothing can be pinned down or fully explained.

You are afraid.
If you found the perfect love
It would scald your hands,
Rip the skin from your nerves,
Cause havoc with a computered heart.

You lose your love for her and then it is her who is lost.
You tried not to hurt and yet
Everything you touched became a wound.
You tried to mend what cannot be mended,
You tried, neither foolish nor clumsy,
To rescue what cannot be rescued.

You failed,
And now she is elsewhere
And her night and your night
Are both utterly drained.

How easy it would be
If love could be brought home like a lost kitten
Or gathered in like strawberries,
How lovely it would be;
But nothing is ever as perfect as you want it to be.

--Brian Patten


i'm a runaway son of the nuclear a-bomb

So, I wrote this little story the other day.

And while I wrote it, I listened to this fanmix I made a million and half years ago in livejournal time.

I dithered, as I am wont to do about posting shit or not, because you know...fanmixes and photoshop are not my forte.

But then I decided, fuck it. Which is so much more my forte.

So here you go.

title twisted and drowned
subject girl!Sam/Dean and the twisted little world they live in
notes listened to on repeat while writing lament for lazarus. girl!Sam is portrayed by Lyndsy Fonseca. Front and back cover under the cut, individual songs uploaded to box.net and the zip to mediafire.
warnings uh, maybe bad language and heterosexual incest

baby detonate for meCollapse )

lament for lazarus

lament for lazarus
4110 words
girl!Sam/Dean, girl!Sam/Christian, Dean/Lisa
AU of Season 6 up to 6.12 Beta by the lovely and talented thatfilmgirl, everything is right because of her, mistakes are all mine.

Section headers from Search and Destroy by Iggy Pop and the Stooges

Sam wonders if she’s crossing some line, kissing Dean like this without a soul, but he tastes so good and she can’t give a fuck if he won’t forgive her in the morning.

i"m a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalmCollapse )

so...quick question

I'm at work, and Supernatural Wiki isn't helping me at the moment.

But does anyone know when in 6.09 "Clap if you Believe" the following exchange takes place?

Dean: You want to be a real boy, Pinocchio, you got to act the part...until we get you on the soul train, I'll be your conscience.

Sam: So you're saying you'll be my Jiminy Cricket?"

Dean: Shut up. But yeah, you freaking puppet, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Is it before or after Dean gets abducted and comes back and finds Sam in bed with Sparrow or after?

So yeah.

It may have a bunch to do with the girl!Sam/Dean story I'm currently working on.

in the silvery days of silence they go

I found out last night elanurel passed, and my first thoughts were, "No, no. That can't be right. She was okay, she was fighting, they were trying a new protocol, she was going to kick ass and live forever."

And then morning came and every time I think of her, I've been fighting tears. I wasn't as close to her as others, but if you knew her at all, through communities, or her livejournal, you know how incredibly special, how supportive and kind Branni was to everyone she met.

She was a kick-ass chick with big ass-kicking boots.

I'll miss her terribly.

peace on earth

Merry Christmas and to all a good night!!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Waiting for Harry Potter in IMAX to start. The theater is sold out, our seats are about five rows up, just off center. Ash's wearing her Slytherin tie, I've it my Gryffindor scarf.


Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


i'm a rockstar

Don't think of it as being replaced, think of it as retirement.


Guess what I'm the proud new owner of??

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


I love the night life

I love to boogie... (The view from my hotel room.)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Are you watching FRINGE?


It is so awesome. AWESOME is FRINGE!

girls talk about their social lives

Hi boys, hi!

Miss you, can't wait til Friday!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Leaving in a few hours to drive to western PA with my sister to attend my uncle's funeral. Do you know what Im worrying about? Pumping gas! I've never done it before. There are no self-service gas stations in NJ and I've never been the driver on an out of state road trip before.

Hopefully, I'm a quick study, I'd hate to look like an asshole at the pumps!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


3rd of the July

I know, I know. Radio silence on my end. I'm at a fireworks/concert thingy and I'm realizing the music is too damn loud. Which you know, I think makes me old.

So as a tide over until I can do a longer entry I'm going to show you pictures of the most spoiled long-haired dachschund on the planet.Collapse )

Spongebob pajama pants and cute dog for the win! \o/

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Jul. 3rd, 2010

title: i used to know you so well
fandom: supernatural
rating: adult
pairing(s): girl!sam/dean, girl!sam/sam, sam/dean
warnings: AU season 5, incest, violence
word count: 33250
notes: Written for the Apocalyptic Big Bang challenge.

*now available in multiple formats

summary: The Devil has a contingency plan.

pdf || doc || epub

ain't no rest for the wicked

Can someone please explain to me how I pulled a muscle under my boob? Holy crap, ow.

one you're saving for a rainy day

one you're saving for a rainy day
1700 words
last call and then he’s slamming her against the wall outside of the bar, kissing her hard.

So, there's this Women of Supernatural Kink Meme. I filled a Girl!Sam/Dean - Het anal.anal, and she likes it. prompt.

Title from Three Wishes, The Pierces

he’s forgotten how horny she gets when she drinks JagermeisterCollapse )

echoing around me

It's 3 am and I have a 9 am appointment with my trainer. She's going to seriously kick my ass tomorrow with a new program and instead of sleeping like I should be, I'm laying in bed obsessing over Supernatural's season finale.

I'm just in love with this show so, so much. Every season finale I go through this, the heartbreak and the worry for two fictional characters and OH MY GOD HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE UNTIL FALL?

And that's why I write/read fanfic. You guys keep me sane when I'm typing on my iPhone in the middle of the night because I can't stop thinking about the Epic Love Story of Sam and Dean.

Thank you guys for being awesome.

*gah. I'm such an emotional wreck right now, but they're happy tears, I promise!

swan song

I don"t even know how I"m supposed to feel about this...Collapse )

Oh! And one more thing I just totally thought of!!Collapse )

And I still have the Vampire Diaries and Bones season finales to watch! And I have to get caught up on House in time for Monday's season finale and and and...I think I need to go rewatch Swan Song again.

the end is nigh

When you see this message, post in your journal with your favorite Season 5 SPN quote.

"You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?"

I have a very hard decision to make. Should I watch the SPN finale in real time, or wait until it's over and watch the DVR'd version so I can fast forward through the commercials?

Hmmm...what to do, what to do...

every now and then I fall apart...

So this week's glee.

I never thought I'd say this, but Jesse's really beginning to grow on me. I think he's becoming one of my favorite characters.

And I haven't really been all that impressed with the song choices the last two weeks.

And my DVR sucks. Or FOX sucks because Idol keeps creeping into my Glee time and then I lose the last minute or two of the show.


And now it's 3am and I'm watching the Duggars. My life is SO exciting, just kill me now.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


It's a positively beautiful day in Jersey. The sun is shining, the air is warm, and my kid got a free pool from the neighbors. The house is clean and the shade is cool. My boy is a goof ball and my girl is practicing her Naruto cos-play.

Only thing I'm missing is a cold beer.

I love Saturdays.


never trust a big butt and a smile

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December 2012

here be monsters


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